20 Feb Diving into Busy: for the Pearl in the grit.

I’ve heard people say that we wear busyness like a badge of honour. That being busy is a sign of success. That we like to be seen to be busy. I’ve read articles that point out how detrimental being busy is to our health and relationships. Come on, the message goes, isn’t it time you stopped this self-destructive obsession with busyness? I’m an advocate for balance and fulfilment, for pursuing creativity, and I understand that relentless busyness gets in the way of that. But it strikes me as a tricky one. There are so many versions of busy, and a multitude of reasons for that busyness. And any conversation about whether we should be aiming to be less busy, must start by acknowledging that for plenty of people it isn’t a philosophical debate – being busy is simply the reality of the daily grind. If you’re a single parent, working two jobs, then life will be busy and choices limited. So how do we work out what our busyness means? What can we do to find ourselves a little ‘me time’ when life feels relentless? Do we wear our busyness like a badge of honour? Are we involved in some kind of competition with our friends and colleagues? And why would we choose busyness in the first place if it’s so detrimental?

Procrastination

For some of us, busyness can be a form of procrastination. We sometimes keep busy with all manner of activities to avoid a particular task that needs tackling – something we don’t want to start, or we don’t want to finish. Or something we are afraid of. Procrastination can mask an anxiety that we’re living the wrong life – with no idea of how or what to change. Feeling trapped or miserable can be overwhelming if we don’t feel we have the skills or energy to alter our situation. A natural reaction can be to hide away from it – to pretend our problems don’t exist by distracting ourselves with tasks and jobs and projects. I have been guilty of this, and know others who have been too. Tapping into what feels really important to you personally can be a first step in turning things around. What activities do you really love that you are neglecting? What feelings matter most to you – excitement, curiosity, peace, joy, contentment? How long has it been since you’ve felt these feelings? What activities provoke these feelings? How can you work them into your life? What might you be avoiding by keeping so busy? What conversation are you afraid of having? What change do you really need to make? Who in your life could support you with that?

Work Pressures

We can’t really talk about busyness without talking about work. Most of the time, any heart-to-heart with a group of close friends will stumble at some point onto the topic of exhaustion at work. Plenty of us experience a work culture wrung through with long hours presented as the norm. It’s a modern curse. We feel pressured to prove our worthiness by working as long and as hard as everybody else. For those who worry about their credibility and capability, suffering from imposter syndrome (which, let’s face it, is most of us!), there can be a tendency to fall into busyness as an antidote – if we make a show of working really hard then perhaps no one will call us out. Like with procrastination, this kind of busyness is motivated by fear. We’re not happy in these situations, and we certainly aren’t proudly wearing our busyness like a badge of honour. More likely we have our head in the sand. We’re tired and at a loss. Or just bewildered by life’s pressures.

Pursuing our dreams

And then there is the kind of busyness that comes when we are following our heart and doing something we love. Perhaps we’re writing a novel or setting up a business or doing our umpteenth sketch of a five-breasted minotaur. What about this kind of busy? That’s okay isn’t it? Whether it’s a creative pursuit or some other kind of goal, being busy working towards something that’s important to us certainly feels very different to some other kinds of busyness. At least this kind of busyness is feeding our soul. But how about when we’re pursuing what matters most to us in life, and we still find ourselves rushed off our feet and overworked?

Getting good at busy

We have to learn to keep checking in on ourselves. And we need to learn to be selective. Somewhere in this whole process of getting better at being busy (if we really need to be busy at all – do you need to be busy?), we will have to sacrifice activities that are not that meaningful to us. We will have to learn to say no, to live with the fear of missing out, to let go of being in control of everything. If we don’t want to be exhausted by life, if we don’t want to be too busy, then we have to soften into the reality that we cannot have it all. We will need to prioritise the important things, and say goodbye to some other things.. Over the last few years I’ve scaled back on the obsessive tidying (I probably still give too much time to this poisoned chalice). I’ve given up watching so much TV. And let go of socialising motivated by a fear of missing out, rather than a genuine sense of nourishment. I’ve found the courage to relinquish these habits (comforts!) because I’ve connected very consciously with my ambitions. We can’t have unlimited friendships. Or do everything it’s possible for us to do. We have to make choices..This has always been the case, but as the world becomes more accessible, with all its amazing possibilities, this is true more than ever. The risk if we’re not careful (conscious, mindful, aware of our dreams and values) is that we end up running around chasing the next enticing distraction or ‘connection’, exhausting ourselves and failing to truly connect with anything or anyone that matters to us.

Take a moment to think about it…

How do you feel about being busy? Does it feel too much? Or is it a nourishing, rewarding, well-balanced kind of busyness? If you feel the need to slow down – what’s stopping you? What does your busyness cost you on a daily basis? What will you sacrifice long term if you carry on being so incessantly busy? How would you rather things be?

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